Bullet dodged.

Friendly Paul, El Capitan Sporty Pirate, and maybe Mrs. El Capitan Sporty Pirate were gonna come down and ride bikes. We were going to have a tentative adventure from which one of us would most certainly not emerge alive, but then Soulcraft duties called and Mr. and Mrs. El Capitan Sporty had to stay home to stoke the fires of stoke.
Undeterred, Friendly Paul hath agreed to come solo, donning thy cloak of two wheeled bravery.
However during a phone call, my better half said, "oh, you guys are riding tomorrow?"
"Yeah, why? Did I forget something else was happening?" I said.
"Yeah, *****'s baby shower is happening.."
"How could I have forgotten about that?" I thought to myself. "I FREAKING LOVE BABY SHOWERS."
But moments ago the girl called and said ***** just went into labor.

Sweet.

To celebrate, here is a photo of an artfully illustrated wang, guaranteeing me an all access pass into every party in Heaven, forever.